but i’ll say it anyway……
‘business and emotion don’t mix. separate them. they often contradict each other. remember your place. but never forget your values.’
‘my lawnmower broke on sunday. my yard is a week overdue. it usually is. my mower breaks constantly. i couldn’t fix it sunday. my neighbor, retired and devoted to maintaining his lawn, noticed that my mower broke down once again. he offered the use of his, knowing i wouldn’t accept the offer. i did the edging and detailed the yard….even ‘mowed’ the back using the weed wacker.
i’m working a lot these days.
i came home on monday night and my neighbor J had mowed my front yard for me. the unfinished part.
so. fucking. cool. i don’t have time this week. i really don’t. i can’t possibly do all that i should this week. if i really considered it, i’d be overwhelmed.
john is retired. his yard is sweet. he’s almost always outside by the time i leave the house for work. mostly to do yard work. i can’t possibly keep up with john.
but john knows that. he knows where i am. he’s been there. john and i are at different stages of life. he’s got more time than he’s ever had. i have less than i’ve ever had. i’m trying. i’m not a fucking sketch ass fucking neighbor. i landscape and paint and trim and work.
but i never really have enough time.
and going to buy a mower this week, taking it home, mowing the yard before a team soccer party we’re hosting saturday would’ve been ominous. but necessary. we couldn’t have a party with 2 foot grass. it was too long. i had to cut it. my mower was beyond me.
and dude did it for me. lots of people would be pissed if somebody did that. fucker! i’ll cut my yard when it needs cutting. but i knew john wasn’t coming from that. i feel like he totally understands. like when i look at him, he sees his own life at a certain stage. john was probably a really good dad. his kids all come around. my kids love him.
i like him, too. i used to worry that he was pissed i was slow to mow and not super neat. but i’m starting to believe that our family actually feeds john…..gives him energy…..makes him smile. he loves my kids. he likes my wife. and he likes me. he understands. he has time and he’s enjoying his freedom. but he doesn’t hold my lack of time against me. he relishes it. he remembers and understands. empathy and envy at the same time.
which i get.
my life is good right now. i work far too much. my work pays well. if any of these deals hit, they’ll significantly matter. a few of them will. i’m rocking it. it’s exhilarating. work is fun right now. and i’m proud of me.
but i risk proper perspective.
money ain’t everything. work ain’t either.
but it’s feeding me right now.
that’s good and bad.
i know that.
ultimately, i love life too much to lean too much on my profession.
but for once, i understand.
i’m doing well.
i really am.
i think i’m better than most at what i do.
but humility is the most beautiful trait.
letting go is true happiness.
if you know me, check me.
keep me real.
i love talking to you more than anything.
-toad
